Friday, December 12, 2008

Summarizing 8 Years

Dear Fellow Constituent:

The George W. Bush Presidential Library is now in the planning stages and accepting donations. The Library will include:

  • The Hurricane Katrina Room, which is still under construction.
  • The Alberto Gonzales Room, where you won't be able to remember anything.
  • The Texas Air National Guard Room, where you don't even have to show up.
  • The Walter Reed Hospital Room, where they don't let you in.
  • The Guantanamo Bay Room, where they don't let you out.
  • The Weapons of Mass Destruction Room, which no one has been able to find.
  • The National Debt Room, which is huge and has no ceiling.
  • The Tax Cut Room, with entry only to the wealthy.
  • The Economy Room, which is in the toilet.
  • The Iraq War Room. (After you complete your first visit, you are required to make a second, third, fourth, and sometimes fifth visit.)
  • The Dick Cheney Room, in the famous undisclosed location, complete with shotgun gallery.
  • The Environmental Conservation Room, still empty.
  • The Supreme Court Gift Shop, where you can buy an election.
  • The Airport Men's Room, where you can meet some of your favorite Republican Senators.
  • The Decider Room, complete with dart board, magic 8-ball, Ouija board, dice, coins, and straws.
  • Note: The library will feature an electron microscope to help you locate and view the President's accomplishments.

The library walls will be engraved with quotes by George W. Bush:

  • "The vast majority of our imports come from outside the country."
  • "If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure."
  • "Republicans understand the importance of bondage between a mother and child."
  • "No senior citizen should ever have to choose between prescription drugs and medicine."
  • "I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change."
  • "One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is "to be prepared."
  • "Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things."
  • "I have made good judgments in the past. I have made good judgments in the future."
  • "The future will be better tomorrow."
  • "We're going to have the best educated American people in the world."
  • "One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures." (Said during an education photo-op.)
  • "Illegitimacy is something we should talk about in terms of not having it."
  • "We are ready for any unforeseen event that may or may not occur."
  • "It isn't pollution that's harming the environment. It's the impurities in our air and water that are doing it."
  • "I stand by all the misstatements that I've made."...George W. Bush to Sam Donaldson

PLEASE GIVE GENEROUSLY!

Sincerely,

Jack Abramoff,

Co-Chair, G.W. Bush Library Board of Directors

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