The obituary of a 5-year-old written by himself (and his parents?)

Garrett Michael Matthias
AKA “The Great Garrett Underpants”
3/26/13 – 7/6/18

My name is: Garrett Michael Boofias
My birthday is: I am 5 years old
My address is: I am a Bulldog!
My favorite color is: Blue….and Red and Black and Green
My favorite superhero is: Batman…and Thor, Iron Man, the Hulk and Cyborg
When I grow up: I’m going to be a professional boxer

My favorite people are:
• Mommy, Daddy, my sister ‘Delcina’ (Delphina),
• The grandparents with the new house (Fredric and Cheryl Krueger),
• The grandparents with the camper (Daniel and Nita Matthias), 
• My cousins: Grady, ‘that guy I took down that one time’ (Luke), and London Marie, 
• My Auntie Janette and Stinky Uncle Andy (Andrew and Janette Krueger),
• Those two guys, you know, my uncles (Kristopfer Krueger and James Taylor)
• Batman!!

The things I love the most:
Playing with my sister, my blue bunny, thrash metal, Legos, my daycare friends, Batman and when they put me to sleep before they access my port Things I hate: Pants!, dirty stupid cancer, when they access my port, needles, and the monkey nose that smells like cherry farts…I do like the mint monkey nose like at Mayo Radiation and that one guy that helped me build Legos (Randy)

When I die: I am going to be a gorilla and throw poo at Daddy!

Burned or Buried: I want to be burned (like when Thor’s Mommy died) and made into a tree so I can live in it when I’m a gorilla
Big or Small Funeral: Funerals are sad: I want 5 bouncy houses (because I’m 5), Batman, and snow cones